i just had sex bonerless
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
