that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
