Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
pray to the hookup gods
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
