Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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