Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
