I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
