I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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