OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
