How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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