I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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