also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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