I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
