I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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