She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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