Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the liver wants what the liver wants
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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