This is not my ceiling
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bring me that man meat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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