I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
