I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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