I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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