I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
