Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
