i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
