You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
