Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
