He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
