I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
