Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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