he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
