Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
