i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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