i love accidental penises.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Terrible idea I love it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
