so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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