I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
