no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
