so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
