I puked a lego.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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