2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
