What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
