i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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