Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
