She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
