Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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