Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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