If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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