He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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