the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
