Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
