i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
