hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
