What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
