She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
