He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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