Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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