my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
vagina is talking i cant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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