he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
