It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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