Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize