overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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