Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
