I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
