she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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