And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
