Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
