found the other keg... it's in the tree
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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