i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
