I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
