I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
