omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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