i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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