its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
