Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
