My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
