His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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