If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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